Have you ever had to dance in the rain?
“It’s gonna hurt. I can’t do it!” The words jumped out of my mouth. “I’m too scared.”
“You’re going to have to learn one day.” Mom’s voice shot through my mind like an arrow. “We’ve been talking with you about this for a while. We’ll show you so you’ll know how by the time school starts.”
“We’re here to help,” Dad said.
“I can’t do it.” I turned my back to Mom and Dad, crossed my arms, and poked out my lips. “Why do I have to anyway? It’ll be¾”
“You’re not alone,” Dad cut in. “We’re here for you.”
“I know, but those shots hurt.” Hot tears stung my cheeks. “I’m not ready.”
I ran to my room and slammed the door. Trying to calm down, I held on to the window ledge and stared out the window. Huge, dark clouds pulled my eyes into the center of the storm. I didn’t want to be sucked up into it.
How could Mom and Dad do this to me? Why did they tell me now, just before my eleventh birthday? Why can’t I wait until next year?
I pressed my warm cheek against the cool windowpane, fighting to slow down my fast breathing. Grandma’s voice echoed in my mind: “Nature has a way of speaking to us when we are ready to listen.”
Exhausted, I plopped down on the foot of my bed.
Mom walked in and sat down next to me.
“Portia, we’re trying to make this as easy as possible.” She put her arm around my shoulders. “Something else has come up. Dad and I are going through a difficult time too.” Her soft voice felt warm, like a hug. “We need you to learn to do this for yourself.”
“But Mom, I’m scared.”
She gently pushed back the curly brown lock of hair that had fallen over my eye. “I know it’s hard, but remember, you’re a smart, brave girl. You can do this.”
Mom kissed my cheek, got up, and left my room as quietly as she had come in.
I walked to the dresser, opened the sock drawer, pulled out my diary, and gawked at the Mars bar lying between the pink and blue socks. My hand shook as I picked it up, fumbled the wrapper off, and gulped the chocolate down. Then I opened my diary.
Dear Diary,
Today Mom and Dad told me I had to learn to give myself insulin! They KNOW I’m afraid of needles. What did I do to be cursed with diabetes? I shouldn’t eat this candy now, but sweets make me feel better when I’m nervous. And I am SO nervous¾I need this chocolate bad! What’s worse ¾I’m so scared!
Mom says something is going on with her and Dad.
There’s no way it can be as bad as MY problem. I was looking forward to having a great summer. Now everything is messed up. What am I going to do?
¾Not Ready
I put my diary back in the drawer, hid the wrapper under other papers in the trash, and glanced out the window. Raindrops beat against the house. I got into bed and turned off the light. In the dark, I tossed and turned, and searched for answers.
How did everything go so wrong so quickly?